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Judith Bond Cakes

SOMETIMES I HIDE

Posted on: January 9, 2019 by Judith, Posted in: Self Care Life

Warning – this one is personal.  And I’m listening to Joni Mitchell so it might all get a bit “Love Actually”

What did you feel when you looked in the mirror this morning?  Notice I said “what did you FEEL?” not what you thought, or wished, but how you FEEL deep down?

Old?

Tired?

Average?

Unworthy?

A hot mess?

We’ve probably all had these feelings in varying amounts throughout our lives.

 

Let me tell you about me. Today.

I looked in the mirror this morning and felt a few different things.

Messy – my hair was a mess because I washed my hair in the bath last night and blow dried it, but didn’t bother to straighten it – so this morning I looked like a grizzly bear in a bad mood.

Tired – I started a new book in bed last night and struggled to put it down. So exciting. So stayed up later that I should …

Pale – it’s a while since my fair skin has seen any sunshine and I’m starting to get withdrawal for my little spot on the beach at Sa Riera.

 

But the main thing I felt was disappointed.

Disappointed with the rash I’ve had on my eye since mid November, which is now in both eyes and not showing any sign of clearing up despite antibiotics, antivirals, manuka honey or steroids.

Disappointed that I can’t use any of my favourite skincare products or even cover-up at the moment in case they make the rash worse so my face feels like Death Valley on a hot day.

Disappointed with the big fat cold sore that came up yesterday right in the middle of my lip, and the 2 smaller ones that are brewing on my bottom lip, despite taking Lysine tablets every day which is meant to suppress them.

Disappointed that on a bright sunny day I can’t pop into town on some errands and call for an americano at my favourite coffee house because I don’t feel nice enough.

Disappointed because I know the cold sores will be around for a good week and will get worse before they get better. So that’s my weekend scuppered.

Disappointed that I would quite liked to have gone out tonight to a networking meeting because I will feel self conscious.

Disappointed that I don’t have enough confidence to overcome all this vanity, accept that you can hardly see my eye rash past my big round spectacles, accept that everyone gets cold sores and spots – it’s a fact of life!

So there it is. It all boils down to confidence.

Confidence.

Which I’ve never had in bucket loads if I’m honest.

Instagram tells me every day “You’re good enough” – it’s on t-shirts. hats, posters, notebooks.  Or “You’re worth it” on shampoo bottles, skincare and makeup.

But here’s the thing I’m really glad about.

I don’t have to be good enough and I don’t have to be worth it. Because the God who loves me, the God who made me and knows me, the God who I put my trust in – IS good enough, for all of us. For all our insecurities. For all our disappointments. For all our unworthiness.  It’s not about self-improvement, or how great our skin looks – it’s about our heart. That’s where the goodness comes from. And for those of us who trust Christ and his life giving sacrifice, we’re worthy because he’s worthy. Read John 3: 16 if you want to know more.

That’s all. They said writing is therapy – and today it really is.

So next time you pass me in the street, be nice and tell me how gorgeous I look – and I’ll do the same for you. That should cheer us both up.

Judith xx

 

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